Victor and Barry

Here are a few of our favourite quotes from our favourite Victor and Barry songs and dialogues, along with a few complete song lyrics. If you have any favourite quotes, drop us a line and we'll include them. And if you're not from Scotland and can't work out what the heck iot is they're talkign about, drop us a line and we'll put you in touch with a cultural translator!

Barry: There are times as you walk down the pathway of life that things get on top of you.

Occasions like when your poll tax form comes through the letterbox.

Victor: When you suddenly realise you're David Owen.

Barry: When you want a gin and tonic but you're fresh out of slim lime

Victor & Barry: Those kind of occasions."

******

"There's one thing that's good when you're feeling low

Shove on a tape recorded by Manilow

And you will get on people's nerves"

******

"Remember a moan is costly

so get the thought out of your head

and even if you hamster's dead

take no notice."

******

Barry: You know, when you're famous as Victor and I are...

Victor: And let's face it, we're pretty famous.

V&B: We are, we are.

Barry: You have to do a lot of interviews for the press and they always ask us the silliest questions...like who cuts your hair? Well, the barber of course.

Victor:Who do they think -- the butcher?

Barry: And there's one question they ask us again and again and again and every time they do we turn round to them and we say:

Victor: HOW DARE YOU? GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR LAWYER.

Barry: No, Victor, not that question.

******

Victor & Barry lyrics

Transcribed by Neil F. C. Simpson (Glasgow)

From: "Hear Victor and Barry, and Faint"

"Kelvinside Men"

We're from a place known as Kelvinside

Ah ha, uh huh, ah ha, uh huh

We're well known faces in Kelvinside

Ah ha, uh huh, ah ha, uh huh

We're know as the trendy thespians,

Some of our best friends are less-

Well known than us. (tch)

I don't take a good tan, but I'm a Kelvinside man

(he's a man from Kelvinside)

My loaf is a pan, I'm a Kelvin-bread man. (very witty victor)

We're from out west in old Kelvinside

Ah ha, uh huh, ah ha, uh huh

The things we like best about Kelvinside

Erm� ARE:

There's yuppies and nouveau riche out there,

Who eat croissants and broccoli quiche out there

My fruit is a yam, I'm a Kelvinside man

(he's a man from Kelvinside)

I get fish from a van, I'm a Kelvinside man

We're just two guys who try to do our best

We're so surprised at our success

Two boys made BIG

And that's the size of it (we're so theatrical)

Some people would move away, if they had to pay

The kind of rates we pay, but we're here to say:

Utopia is on our doorstep, Kelvinside is it. I-I-I- IT!

You get what your needin' in Kelvinside

Ah ha, uh huh, (definitely, definitely)

A garden of Eden is Kelvinside

Ah ha, uh huh,( it's so true, tell them like it is, I will)

Even Eve and Adam would feel at home

With all the fig plants and all the garden knomes

No more rainbows to chase

It's an oasis of taste

It's one heck of a place, that's why we're KelvinsideMen.

We're Kelvinside men, we're Kelvinside men

We're men from Kelvinside. Uh huh!

*******

"Marks and Spencer's"

bub ba du bub, ba du bub, ba du badu badu, bub badu bub badu BA

Have yous' ever been up the creek

Without a matchstick or a leek

Bereft of life's necessities

Have there been time's when you'd have killed

For fillet steaks tandoori grilled

Accompanied by freshly picked peas

If relatives descend on you

And there's no paper in the loo

If your carpet slippers put you to shame

If you go to sleep on nylon sheets

It makes the feeling incomplete

Don't worry we can ease the pain

We'll take. We'll take yous'

We take yous' to:

Marks and Spencer's (Spencer's and Marks)

Shopping adventures (consumer lax)

Ba badu bab ��

Cotton pants, yuccha plants, encyclopedias of dance

Chicken tikka and cottage pies

Selected dips or stylish tips, grapes that don't have any pips

Deodorants that make you stay dry

Furry slippers, garlic pate, dandruff shampoo, chicken satay

Facial sponges, soaps and loofers

Oven gloves, desert boots, chocolate fingers, jogging suits

You'll find them all under one roof

The roof. The roof of. The roof of:

Mark's and Spencer's (Spencer's and Marks)

Shopping adventures (consumer lax)

Bab badu bab��.

(spoken)

Good afternoon

Hello sir

Can you help me?

We're only here to please

I'm looking for a lambswool turtle neck sweater

Uh huh?

Maroon

Oh! What size sir? Small, medium or LARGE?

You know, I really don't know, do you think I could try wan on?

Well sir why don't you just, take wan home and if it doesn't fit bring it back

Bring it back to where?

Bring it back to here

Bring it back to here?

Bring it back to:

Marks's and Spencer's (Spencer's and Marks)

Shopping adventures (consumer lax)

Money back guarantee

Statutory rights preserved

M and S. S and M, M and S and S and M

Marks and Spencer's, you can have a ball at

Mark's and Spencer's

And they make lovely biscuits.

*******

"Recipe of Life"

Take a cup of loneliness

Break a heart with care,

Add a touch of bitterness,

Spoon in some despair.

Cook it on low

It's a recipe we know.

BUT IF YOUS'

Add a drop of adulation

Mix in a piano forte

Whisk it all up with some memories and serve it in the Kelvinside way

Serve it straight away

Don't leave it till, tomorrow

If yous' want to survive

In the kitchen of life

Throw away your rotten vegetables

And always keep a sharpened knife

Use your condiments lavishly

When ingredients aren't fresh

Don't be afraid to start again if yous'

Get in to a mess

You must do what's best

This meal is forever.

(spoken)

Ladies and Gentlemen, is your recipe of life a bit boring? Is it a bit dull and lacking in colourful presentation? Are you left feeling, spiritually constipated? I used to be.

(So did I) But not any more, because you see, we've changed our recipe, we've taken out the ingredients that we're making us unhappy and replaced them with some new one's, and now we're full up to pussy's bowl, looking forward to our next juicy, succulent slice in our recipe, our recipe of life. And if we can do it, so can you, but in the meantime:

Spice your palates regularly

Don't be scared to try something new

Don't forget to use gallons of laughter

Loving care's quite yummy too

And when life's to your taste

Don't let it go, to waste

If your culinary skills

Aren't up to cordon bleu

Buy yourselves a microwave and alter your menu

(we're fan assisted, we are)

So, put away the loneliness

Mend the broken hearts

If yous' put the bitterness in the bin,

The despair will soon depart

Don't just sit there and sigh

Yous' wont know till,

You try.

(We didn't know till we tried

And now we've got the skitters)

"Remember a Smile"

If you're happy and you know it

And you really want to show it

If you're happy and you know it

Remember a smile, costs nothing

It doesnae' need tae be a grin (oh no no)

As long as you are tuning in,

To a happy wavelength.

A frown's expensive

You'll pay an awful lot in skin,

Cos you will get a lot of wrinkles,

When you're older.

So sing along a well known song by Sedaka,

Or hum to a tune that was written by Bacharach

Or whistle wan of the Carpenters hits. (la la, la la la)

There's one thing that's good when you're feeling low,

Shove on a tape recording by Manilow,

Then you will get on people's�. nerves.

If you're happy and you know it,

And you really want to show it,

If you're happy and you know it,

Remember a smile, costs nothing,

A chuckle willnae' break the bank (oh no no)

A laugh, a jape, a jolly prank, is there for the taking.

Remember a moan, is costly

So get that thought out of your head,

And even if your hamsters DEAD,

Take no notice.

SO ALL THE WHILE,

Give us a smile,

That's as sugary as Tate & Lyle

You'll get the Jile, if you're vile,

You might even get the piles,

If you're a moaner away and bile

YER HEIDS!

If you're born in Kyle, come up the Isle,

Show us a little bit of Glasgow style,

Give us a dial, and don't forget to bring your file-o-fax

And other words that rhyme with smile,

Like sile. Sile? (as in sile your pants)

(Victor for goodness sakes!, I'm sorry that just slipped out)

If you're happy and you know it,

And you really want to show it,

If you're happy and you know it,

Remember that Glasgow,

Smiles better,

COME ON! EXPOSE YOUR INCISORS!

*******

"Glasgow" &endash; Eurovision Song Contest

If you are lonely or suffering from a bereavement,

We know the place yous' really ought to be

A town with GUTS, you see some on the pavement

High standard of public convenience all for free

It couldn't be better, it sticks out a mile

Although it tends to rain a lot, the people always smile (cos they're GUTTERED!)

We're talking Glasgow, it makes our hearts go funny, When we think of it

Just walk along those streets see what we mean,

They've been stone cleaned

GO TO fig London, we're not like you,

We're not capitalists, we're done in,

You took a fall, when we've got the Mahabaratha at the transport hall,

Just to cap it all,

Oh oh Glasgow (Glasgow)

It's a cultured city and we don't mean penicillin (oh no, oh no)

The people have names like Senga, Shug and Lloyd (Senga, Shug and Lloyd!)

Some of them aren't quite, the full shilling (oh no, oh no)

You'd be the same if you were unemployed

There's a plethora of parks, with a thicket full of trees

Chicken korma comes pre-packed just take it from the freezer for your dinner,

It's a winner! It's Glasgow

It makes our hearts go funny, when we think of it.

There's no way you can say that Glasgow's past it,

It's streets sand blasted

STUFF, Auchtermauchty, we proclaim that Glasgow's got what it takes,

To make a shufti, no need to fret, or even hedge your bets, you're on an easy win,

If you're Glaswegian

Oh oh Glasgow, (Glasgow)

Spoken: city of so many sights, so many smells, so many drinks, so many cigarettes, so many HEART ATTACKS, so many happy returns TO:

Glasgow, it makes our hearts go funny, when we think of it,

Just walk along those street see what we mean,

They've been stone cleaned

STUFF, Auchtermauchty, we proclaim that Glasgow's got what it takes,

To make it shufti, no need to fret, or even hedge your bets, you're on an easy win,

If you're Glaswegian

Oh oh Glasgow, (Glasgow)

Glasgow oh oh oh oh oh oh,

La la la la, la la la la la , la la la la Glasgow

We belong to Glasgow,

Dear old Glasgow toon,

Glasgow, oh,

Glasgow!

"Dialect Guff"

We've had enough,

Of this old tired dialect guff

We're being ostracised

Cos we stroke our T's and dot our I's

It's not very fashionable being smart,

But we don't care for fashion, we live for our art

Some people think our accent has had it's day

Cos we elongate our vowels and throw the uch away

We elongate our vowels and throw the uch away

We elongate our vowels and throw the uch away, ay ay ay ay

Aiya, ohya, aiya, ohya, aiya, ohya , oh ah!

Ohya, aiya, ohya, aiya, ohya, aiya oh!

(that was sore)

We're sorry if you're not pleased

If you can't translate Kelvinside ease

We know we sound Anglophied

But we're Caledonians inside

What do we need an interpreter for?

Their complaints just make us go grr (GRR!)

South of the border, they think that we're freaky

Cos we're as Scottish as a tin of Baxter's cockileekie

Yes we're as Scottish as a tin of Baxter's cockileekie

We're as Scottish as a tin of Baxter's cockileekie, ee , ee, ee cock-a-leek-ee

A, E, I, O, YOUS' better believe it

A, E, I, O, YOUS' better believe it,

If this carries on,

All of these accents will be gone,

And they'll be Kelvinside no more,

Hyndland no more,

Milngavie no more,

Bearsden no more, (we're talking)

Kelvinside no more,

Hyndland no more,

Milngavie no more,

Bearsden no more, oh!

It's not very fashionable being smart,

But we don't care for fashion we live for our art

Some people think our accent has had it's day,

Cos we elongate our vowels and throw the uch away,

We elongate our vowels and throw the uch away

We elongate our vowels and throw, the uch, away, ay ay ay ay.

*******

"The Way They Used To Be"

Why isn't things the way they, used to be

Why is tomorrow worse than yester-dee

Why are we so unhappy, depressed and feeling crappy

Why can't you still get eye tests free

Why isn't things the way they used to be

The days when Princess Anne was, only three

Why is our world unstable, why don't youngsters know their tables

What ever happened to Peters and Lee

Not a day goes by, but you hear someone cry:

Why isn't magpie still on TV

We find it rather strange, this age of blues and change,

When Swapshop isn't on the BBC (oh, oh, oh)

Why isn't things the way they, used to be

We've seen the rainbow, where's the gold?

(Give us the gold, give us some gold, we want some gold,

come on with the gold, we need some gold)

Why isn't things the way they, used to be

£2.50 FOR A DOUGHNUT AND A, cup of tea

The poll tax suits the wealthy,

with BUPA they'll be healthy

We're in a state of social insecurity

Why isn't things the way they, used to be

Two party politics instead of three (that'll be right)

What became of Aztec bars, where are you Leyland cars

Bring back the good old days,

Bring back the good old days,when we were wee.

Not a day goes by, but you hear someone cry:

WHY? WHY? WHY?

And so we pray, we pray for the day,

The day when things,

Are the way, they used to be.

*******

"Being a Celebrity"

Life is different now,

Things have changed.

We hardly ever shop in Presto's (Presto)

Something's happened to us,

If only yous' knew,

We think you'd be impressed

OH YE SEE,

We're now, media personalities

We're high profile, low threshold, with work lined up till a year next May,

But still this is what we say:

We say that Oh! Life's a fallacy

Life is a movie character

Life is no bowl of cherries,

And it's harder when you're a star (oh, oh, oh)

We take the knocks,

Oh, we plumb the depths,

You may think it's all peace and serenity

But oh, that's not true

Oh, that does tell you,

That it's hard, being a celebrity.

(it's hard. It's very difficult. Uh huh)

The way things used to be,

We were small fry

Now we're more like smoked, salmon

We've made our beds so we must,

Lie in them.

Our bread is buttered It's got JAM ON.

YE SEE:

We're now, approaching mega-stardom

We're big news, we're hot cakes, everything's rosy in our garden

But still this is what we say, we say that:

Oh, life's a fallacy

Life is a movie character (let me tell ya honey!)

Life is no bowl of cherries,

And it's harder when you're a star

We pay lots and lots of tax,

We've got a pigskin file-o-fax

You may think it's all champagne and hilarity

But oh, that's not true

Oh, that does tell you

That it's hard, being a celebrity.

NO PRESS!

It's hard being a celebrity

(Where do we sign?)

It's hard being a celebrity

MAKE UP!

It's rough, it's tough, it's a load of old guff!

It's hard, being a celebrity.

We used to be happy, but how can yous' be happy, if we're not happy,

Our-selves.

BABES!

*******

"Dreams Can Come True"

It's Christmas time again, and we've bought all our cards.

An artificial tree, and tinsel by the yard.

We'll get pants from our Aunts,

Nothing from Sant-a

Who needs a mantr-a?

Cos we now know:

Dreams can come true,

But it's all up to you,

Dreams can come true,

But it's all up to you,

In the end.

We stuff our turkey and ourselves with grub and drink

Spell Christmas with an X and you will use less ink

My spirit soars,

Mine's on the floor

Here comes the chor-us

When we sing:

Dreams can come true,

But it's all up to you,

Dreams can come true,

But it's all up to you,

In the end.

Repeat ad infinitum.

Last time��FOOLED YOU!

Goodbye children everywhere, and merry x-mas!

*****

From: "Are We Too Loud?"

"Hello and Welcome"

Hello, and welcome

We're glad you came to see us

Please leave behind what's serious

And have a real good laugh (HA! HA!)

Hello, and welcome

Sit back in relaxation,

We'll make light of the situation,

You huv' tae laugh or you'd weep.

This is the sad bit,

But we've got to have it

To make sure our show isn't same-y

Don't worry the sad bits won't parry, thanks to

Barry McLeish, and Victor MacIlvanie

We're terribly talented,

Oh! It's a curse.

We're a couple of upfront go-getters

We were born in the west,

Which proves we are the best

Cos yous' all know Glasgow's miles better.

Our show is well done,

It took some concentration,

To write the songs and funny bits,

And all the syncho-pation

Hello, and welcome,

Please don't get too ecstatic

As we unfold dramatically,

The Victor, and Barry, show!

Our business is show-business,

And we want to do a deal with,

YOUS', thankyou.

*****

"Kelvinside Young People's Amateur Dramatic Arts Society"

Cilla Black and Russell Grant and Lulu,

Val Doonican, The Nolans and The Dooley's

Andrew Lloyd Webber, Terry Wogan, Morrie Weir,

And all the cast of 'Take the Highroad' too

Ross Davidson, The Beatles and Tom Conte

Mary Marquist in a show as Emily Bronte

Ennio Morricone wrote the music for a play

And Anna Musquri was very flaunty

(well you know what they say about women who wear glasses)

We taught them all they know,

They took part in a show

They trod the boards of Kelvinside

And then they up and went,

These people who were BENT

On gaining fame and fortune far and wide (and far and wide)

Hanna Gordon, Noona MacLean and Rolf Harris

Did a show entitled 'Glaswegian's in Paris'

James Galway played the flute

Demis Rousoss ripped his suit

And we can tell you that boy was embarrassed

(well no wonder, he's got a terrible skin rash)

When Julie Andrew's joined us she sang flat

She had pigeon toes, cross eyes and was fat

Dustin Hoffman couldn't speak

Rod Hull's Emu had no beak

And in panto Arthur Morthur played a cat

We taught them all they know,

They took part in a show

They trod the boards of Kelvinside

And then they up and went,

These people who were BENT

On gaining fame and fortune far and wide (and far and wide)

BUT YET,

We survived,

We've known all these celebs since they were youths

And although, they may deny it,

In this song we have told the honest truth

(well the bit about Ross Davidson was a lie)

thankyou.

*******

"Wasn't She Good"

Nothing is so good, it lasts for eternity

Perfect situations, must go WRANG

But this has never yet prevented us,

Wanting far too much for far too lang

Looking back, we could have played things differently

(we could have played football)

Done a few more shows who can tell?

(who can tell, I do not know)

But it took time, to understand Renee

Now at least we think we know her well

Wasn't she good (oh so good)

She was a wee mam (she was a wee mam)

Wasn't she fabby (fabby) in:

'Call me madam'

But in the end, she needed a little bit more than us (more variety)

She ran away with Jimmy Logan, (we knew her so well)

No-one in the company is with us constantly (they come and go they come�.and go)

No-one stays for long in Kelvinside (I wonder why?, I WONDER why!)

And though we tried our best to keep her (we tried, we tried, we tried)

In the end we both broke down and cried, (we wept)

Looking back we could have cast her in other roles,

Learned about Renee, before we fell (we were just a little careless)

But Victor was so very much younger then (so much younger then)

Know at least we know we knew her well

Wasn't she good (oh so good)

She was no mess (she was no mess)

Wasn't she magic,

In 'Porgy and Bess'

Didn't we know,

How it would go if we knew from the start

Why is it we always sing FLAT!

Wasn't she good (AAHH!)

Wasn't she fine

Isn't it madness she's

QUIT! Kelvinside

But in the end, she needed a little bit more than us (more variety)

She ran away with JIMMY LOGAN, (we knew her so well)

We sweated blood and tears to train you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo

Renee, go to HELL!

*******

"Edinburgh Festival"

Edinburgh Festival,

It's the one that's best of all

You can do a show in an old scout hall in Stockbridge

Do an all nude version of a Chekhov play

Or juggle with spears of broccoli

Or play the French dressing in 'salad days'

You can be theatrical for three weeks.

Edinburgh Festival,

It's the one that's best of all

If you're an actor resting, call your agent

Cos there will be a part somewhere,

In the stage adaptation of 'Dr. Kildare'

Or a musical version of 'Where Eagles There"

Or something rude in the open air

You can be theatrical for three weeks

Be arty, go to after-show parties

Talk about comedie del arte

Maybe meet Russell Harty (if you're lucky)

See the Tattoo, read the 'Scotsman' reviews

Stand all day in a queue, trying to get tickets for

Victoria Wood (but she's sold out)

The culture vultures are never seen,

Without their fringe-y brochures

They try to see ten shows a day,

Nine of which are atrocious

The pubs are busy,

The town's in a tizzy

The weather isnae hot,

And why is it so difficult, to meet someone who's Scott-ish

(the place is like an Ox-Bridge ghetto. Exactly.)

Be arty, go to after-show parties

Talk about comedie del arte

Maybe meet Russell Harty (why bother!)

See the Tattoo, read the 'Scotsman' reviews

Stand all day in a queue,

STILL TRYING TO GET TICKETS FOR VICTORIA WOOD (it's a waste of time)

Edinburgh festival,

In this city, east of Falkirk and Glasgow

Thankyou

*******

"West End Story"

'KELVINSIDE!'

We want to live in old Kelvinside,

We want to say we're from Kelvinside

Go with a title to Kelvinside

Give us a ride up to Kelvinside

(hoopla, bingo, ludo, cluedo, monopoly, computer battleships)

(that's enough Sigourney)

Shops open later in Kelvinside

No alligators in Kelvinside

Life would better in Kelvinside

Please let us settle in Kelvinside

(hoopla, bingo, trivial pursuits)

(I think you've made your point Sigourney)

'TURBOS vs. TROUTS'

You better watch out!

You better take care,

I'll snag your jerkin

I'll do your hair

You may think your smart, but you're so hackneyed

Any more lip, and I'll squeeze your acne (I do not have acne)

You've got a great big nose,

And you've got halitosis,

And your feet smell like old brie (HA!)

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.

C'MON TROUTS LETS FIX THE TURBOS!

c'mon turbos lets catch the trouts

(violence ensues)

(Ricardo is dead)

'West End'

West End,

Is the best end,

Of Glasgow,

That we know (of)

West End,

Is the best end,

Of Glasgow

The streets are so neat,

And the houses are so nice,

It's very high in pollen

And it's very low in vice.

West End,

Is the best end,

Of Glasgow (The End)

*******

"Any Tune Will Do"

He started off,

With a Bible story

Now he's a rampant Tory

Any tune will do

He makes his cash,

From plagia-thingmy

He's a cheeky wee bism

So Andy we're going to copy you

So don't tell us your innovative,

We've heard that chord sequence before

It was in your last show,

And the one before that,

And the one before that one,

And it's probably in the one you're writing at the moment.

He knows the score,

He got rid of Tim,

Then he wrote a song in Latin,

Copieu Esu

Tim's fighting back, (tim's fighting back)

He's a money grabber (aah, aaah)

So, he wrote a show with ABBA (ABBA)

Any words will do,

He's as bad as Andrew.

Any tune will do

Amnesia,

He thinks we've got amnesia,

Andy we don't believe ya'

We've heard it all before

We remember, when Sarah Brightman danced, in underwear

No our memories aren't that short.

It's so boring, cos we know what comes next,

YES, it's that same bit again:

Any tune will do.

In dreams he comes to us,

We hear his show-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hows.

We wake up sweating,

In case he know-ho-ho-ho-ho-hows

That we're trying, to be Andrew Lloyd Webber

Yes we would, like to be Andrew Lloyd Webber,

But we're not.

(we're not)

*********

"It's Over"

It's over,

Goodbye friends,

C'est finit

It's the end

The party's over

It's the end of the line

This is ante sentence (ante sentence)

One of us is singing (one of us is singing out of time)

AND IT'S NOT ME

We did it our way,

No regrets

C'est lavee

Good things must come to an end

(spoken: but before we amble back to obscurity ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to thank you for joining us for 'theatrically yours' here live at the assembly rooms. And we hope that we'll all be together again very soon, SHUT UP VICTOR!! So until then, this is Victor and Barry saying: Au Revoir fans.)

We've been to paradise (we've been to paradise)

Now we're going home,

To Kelvinside,

Kelvin-SIDE!

Goodnight!

*******

"Lower Largo Triangle"

We decide to get away and huv some fun (FUN! FUN!)

Pack our bags and catch a bus, for a weekend in the sun.

I said a-loch-a-lomonds too expensive,

And I said a-Saltcoats isnae bad

I said I'd like to see lower Largo.

And I said Barry are you MAD!

Lower Largo! Tri-angle

It makes people dis-a-ppear

Lower Largo, Tri-angle

Don't go too near (don't go too near)

But he doesn't see my angle,

And I think he's a-being dumb

So Lower Largo Tri-angle

Here we come.

Lying on my lilo on, the sun kissed beach (BEACH! BEACH!)

I look up and I see Barry with, a stranger out of reach

I see him a-sitting on her sun-lounger,

I see him sipping tea our from her flask,

And if you're wondering if I was angry, all I can say is

THAT YE NEEDNAE ASK!

Lower Largo! Tri-angle

It makes people dis-a-ppear

Lower Largo, Tri-angle

Don't go too near (don't go too near)

But if you look at it from my angle,

Do you see why I'm so sad?

Lower Largo Tri-angle

Very bad.

Lying lost and lonely on, the rain-washed shail (shhh, shhh, shhh)

(that's enough rain washed shail thankyou Barry!)

When an old acquaintance says:

'Hello there, you're looking rather pale'

And soon she's:

Sitting on my lilo

And then we're going out for a little paddle

And when she says 'what about your colleague?'

I say: WELL HE CAN GO AND GET STUFFED

Lower Largo! Tri-angle

It makes people dis-a-ppear

Lower Largo, Tri-angle

Don't go too near (don't go too nearrrrrrrrrr)

But if you look at it from my angle,

You can see why I'm so GLAD.

Lower Largo Tri-angle

Not so bad (no)

Lower Largo oh,

Lower largo,

(sweeter than a spangle)

Lower largo oh,

DON'T GO TO LOWER LARGO,

Thankyou, Goodnight.

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